Everyone Stupid Dies

Irrational, Illogical, just plain Stupid. Find me a more fitting way to describe most characters in zombie movies, I dare you. Against a legion of the undead it really is a case of Survival of the Fittest, and yet in most movies many of the unfit live to tell the tale.

Not if ICE can help it!

Everyone Stupid Dies doesn't seek to change the traditions of anti-zombie heroes, but rather exploit them - and rest assured, none of these idiots are going to make it in the end. Inspired mainly by the early Resident Evil games as well as the terrible movie adaptions, ICE sets out to forge a 'horror' comedy which is closer to life than the material it parodies.

The creatures you encounter in ESD are insane, driven by a twisted hunger, bent on total dominance... and then there's the zombies. Join Hilton Patrick, Dr. Amanda Reucser and Old Toothless Murphy as they brave the storm of undead and ultimately vow to bring down the evil Marquee Corporation lead by the enigmatic duo of Alfred Whisker and Morgneto.

        -- Morgs.

Spotlight links:

Stage 1     Stage 2     Stage 3     Stage 4     Stage 5

Spotlight: Stage One...

There came a point recently where I decided that I'd had enough of writing so much. Don't get me wrong, I love writing. But lately I've been having trouble bringing myself to write things - my column, Ucol assignments, AWC strips, and of course, the various movie projects I'm working on. So I decided to take action. "Lights, Camera, Action!" that is.

My video camera has not been used as much as I'd like it to be since I got it, and sometimes it's hard to keep everyone (including myself) enthusiastic about projects during the slow periods. I figured, why not just get out there, grab a few friends and get to filming? Just for the sheer fun of it, no worries about money, sets, lighting, costumes, actors in their proper roles... just seeing how the whole process feels, shooting a few scenes. So I called around, and found myself with a team of Jarrod, Jessie, and Gary.

Jarrod wasn't confident with acting, so he shyed away behind the camera, which was fine. Jessie and Gary both have years of acting experience, and I can remember the lines I wrote (plus I didn't do too badly as Tom Wesselmann not so long ago), so we played out a scene from early on in Everyone Stupid Dies where Dr. Amanda Reucser (Jessie, in her proper role) is introduced to Murphy (who's ideally supposed to be a large black man, played here by Gary) by the clueless heroine Hilton Patrick (Morgs, not wearing a dress). It's a funny scene on paper, and I think we still managed to make it funny the way we did it, with a little 'repediting' and such. It's available for download in three sizes, all of which are subtitled as there were some sound issues. The sound is there though, you'll just need to crank your speakers up.

I hope you enjoy watching these clips as much as we did making them.

        -- Morgs.

Disclaimer: The following clips are not representative of any final ICE product. This was all in the name of $0 budget fun.

HeadQuarters Scene

Tiny (320x240, 5 MB)

Small (640x480, 10 MB)

Big (720x576, 20 MB)

ICEography Link

Spotlight: Stage 2 (Bloopers)

It finally happened. We had all the gear we needed. We had all the people we needed. All in the same place, at the same time. Unfortunately we didn't have the preparation, and little did we know going in, we were almost out of power. You only see me and Jessie on screen, but we did actually have a new (more appropriate) actor for "Old Toothless" Murphy (Jay Rerekura of WYC'D), and planned to film a scene with Gary in his actual role. I'm still playing a woman's part, but not in a very feminine way. Once more Jarrod was behind the camera (now with tripod action!) and Sam was scouting traffic.

Without further ado, here's a nice reel of how to NOT produce a good scene.

Blooper Reel (#1)

Small (320x240, 6 MB)

Big (640x480, 11 MB)

ICEography Link

Spotlight: Stage 3... The Read-Through!

So there we were, the House of M(organ). The day had been a big pile of crap, from alarmingly expensive printing costs to a parking ticket... but all that had turned around by this point. I'd had it in mind for a while now, but pulled the whole thing together almost on a whim. What, exactly? A full read-through of the near-enough-might-as-well-be complete Everyone Stupid Dies script!

Three guys, three girls, and Jarrod (I kid, I kid) sat down and assumed whatever roles we figured that we could do. We came across a few bumps in the road, but had an absolute blast. Main roles went thus:

Morgs: Morgneto, Murphy, Narration
Jessie: Dr. Amanda Reucser, Narration
Monique: Hilton Patrick
Sam: Alfred Whisker, Bruce, Kent
Gary: Larry, Callous, The Merchant, Jack
Jarrod: Attempted Alfred Whisker
Charlotte: Various Minor Roles

Really putting things into consideration, there's not all that much I can say without giving away spoilers, but I'll do my best. Monique did a great job reading Hilton, considering it was her first exposure to ESD (apart from the Blooper Reel, which she'd seen maybe an hour beforehand). Jessie reaffirmed my faith in having written the role of Dr. Reucser specifically for her. Sam did such a good job that I might just have to find him some more on-screen work besides Bruce. Gary, having suffered Bronchitis for the week prior, gave us a fantastic effort in reading all the roles he did.

The swear-fest! So fast paced and well delivered by Jessie, Gary, Monique and myself, we really did need to have a laugh break after that one.

Gary's impersonation of a certain Pizza Delivery guy we know, while reading the part of Jack (a Pizza Delivery guy). It was spot-on!

The surprise generated by a very risque line I'd added in recently from an old pile of ideas. I won't say what it was, or who had to say it, but the whole room was in fits before the actor finally resigned to reading it aloud.

The "TV Talk show" segment. Everyone who's ever read it has loved it, and it's ten times cooler when performed!

Undoubtedly the absolute best delivery had to be Gary reading Larry's last lines - unbelievable, the way he conveyed the exact emotions the scene calls for. Awesome, like 10,000 hotdogs.

At the end of the day, I simply cannot wait to get this whole project up and rolling. Hell, I've even started working on the Theme Song! Scary business...

Spotlight: Stage 4... BadHorse 2006!

Ah, BadHorse. The Competition which got us off our collective asses last year and made a go of something. Something with a terrible night-time frame rate but a lot of wackiness that generated some laughs. This time, I think we learned a few things. Enter as much as feasible. Increase production values. Have a clear plan beforehand. You know, all that logical stuff.

Anywho, you're here on this page because (I have to hope) you want to see some content! Well, we've got some hot new content for you. But what I'm here for is to ramble a spiel about said content to give this a 'behind the scenes' kind of feel. So, first up is we decided we absolutely had to do some sort of preview for Everyone Stupid Dies. What could we do? Certainly not a trailer, that would take a lot more time, effort and money than we had. How about a scene? Okay, but what scene is funny enough on its own, and both doesn't require the plot and doesn't spoil it either?

The Pizza Delivery Scene. Please welcome the villainous Morgneto, Master of Morgnetism... whatever that is. Something to do with revenge against bad service? And zombies...

Alright, so the other idea came to me one night during the SkillEX competition. It occured to me that it's going to be incredibly difficult to shoot a feature length movie if for no other reason than everyone has something else going on. Even me. So with that thought buzzing around it came to me - make a mockumentary that explains simply "If Everyone Stupid Dies is never made, here's why in advance".

I took that idea with me when I met up with Jessie down in Wellington, and instantly she was firing off with fantastic ideas as we built up what was sure to be something pretty damn good. We came up with excuses for everyone we could think of - and then realised some of them weren't going to make the final cut if for no other reason than they're not actually slated to be involved directly in ESD. There were a few set backs (most of which I had expected), but in the end I think we managed to overcome the obstacles and make sure we didn't need to make an "Excuses II: Why Excuses was never made"!

So, without further ado, here's the new clips!

Pizza Scene Preview:
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ICEography Link

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ICEography Link

Spotlight: Stage 5... Resident Evil: Extinction

In 2004 I was dragged to go see Resident Evil: Apocalypse, and was astonished at how rediclously stupid most of the characters were. I exclaimed halfway through that "I'm going to make a movie called Everyone Stupid Dies". So, in order to properly parodise Resident Evil I watched the first movie (which wasn't as bad), and did extensive research into the original games (which I was never a fan of, but their story is far above the movies').

Soon after, Resident Evil 4 (the game) was released, and frankly it's awesome. The same can never be said about the third movie installment, subtitled: Extinction. Before I go any further, I have to point out that this isn't really a review or anything, so if I don't analyse its take on the human condition, forgive me. Also if you're averse to spoilers for bad films, you might not want to keep reading.

Where to begin? Possibly with the fact that RE:E is not its own movie. Rather, it is a copy and paste job from other, better movies. Day of the Dead, 28 Days Later, The Birds, X-Men 3, The Matrix, Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, Mad Max 2... and believe me the list goes on, and even borrows from the existing Everyone Stupid Dies screenplay.

Shocking, I know. But between Alice becoming The Phoenix, and a plot where Zombies are domesticated and then filled with rage, they were using some very similar concepts and scenes to what we already had planned. I guess what it means is that now there needs to be some slight alteration to our script in that these things now need to look like they're making fun of the way RE:E did them. No biggie.

Of course along with all the rest, RE:E has provided some extra fuel to the satire fire (you like that one? Just came to me). There's plenty of new material to mock openly, and I regret that we don't have the budget to mimick their "post-apocalyptic" setting because a lot of their idiocy comes from things like not actually caring that there's no water, or thinking they can just acquire petrol from pumps that have been abandoned for 5 years.

However, there are two major changes afoot. Our "Jill Valentine" character has been called Hilton Patrick up until now. The reasoning was St. Valentine's Day is for love, St. Patrick's Day is for drinking - so Hilton Patrick roughly translates to Drunken Whore. With the inclusion in RE:E of Claire Redfield (who does nothing!) we've decided to call our character Jill Clairefield.

The second major change comes from us discussing the fact that we all went to see a terrible movie, knowing full well it would be terrible. We did so specifically to make our own movie better. In justifying it, I said it was a necessary evil. And as I said that, it hit me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new title.

Necessary Evil:
Everyone Stupid Dies