Shoe Squeaks

No shit, there I was.
Walking home in the middle of the night.
Have you ever noticed how quiet the streets are at night, or early in the morning?
You know, when no-one is around to make any noise.
That's what this night was like. Silent.
Make that Dark and silent.
No, it was dark, silent, and Wet.

Silent except of course for strange, squeaking noise.
I could hear it every couple of steps.
Squeak...thump...squeak...thump...squeak...
Disturbing the perfect silence of the night.

Of corrs it dusnt tak sum1 of my calibar of geenius Long 2 find out wat it cood b.

My new shoes were squeaking, no actually just one of my new shoes.
Which leaves to wonder if it would be more or less annoying if both had been squeaking.
In either case it was just one, but it pissed me off (as many things do).

You see one of my many sides likes to make only so much noise, to put things back in exactly the same position as they were found, to wipe off fingerprints...
You get the picture.
Thankfully I wasnt burgling a house tonight, I was only walking home.

I discovered that if I walked slowly, I could stop my shoe making the noise it did.
My walk home takes long enough as it is - being 7kms long and all - so this
was obviously not good enough.
So I tried walking backwards and funnily enough this put an end to the noise completely.
This was only really any use if I was content to walk home backwards.
Some days I would have tolerated this and done it for the novelty value but today I just wanted to get home.
In the end I just bit the bullet and tolerated the squeak as best I could.
Funny how life does that to you isnt it?
It puts a problem in your way and no matter what you try to do about it, makes it stick.

Damn Microsoft!

Indeed "Damn Microsoft!" is another favourite saying of mine.
This is because just about everything, in some small way, can be linked back to Microsoft.
Thats right, everything is Microsoft's fault.

Remember the case of the squeaky shoe?
Damn Microsoft for that shoe because the chances are that Microsoft products were used to design that shoe and how can you expect something decent to come of that?
Think about it. What is wrong in your life right now?
I bet you can link it to them. Wether directly or indirectly, somehow it's their fault.

If you have trouble blaming Microsoft for something, just send me an email and I'll explain exactly how Bill Gates and his company have ruined your life.

Cleft Lip

Have you ever known anyone with a cleft lip?
I had a strange thought the other day.
It's about whistling. You know how to whistle right?
Basically you force air out of a small gap between
your lips or teeth and this makes a noise.
My question is this: Can someone with a cleft lip whistle with his mouth closed?

Think about it, he's got a perfectly good gap there
already, if he blows air through it, will it whistle?
Which raises the question, does basic breathing
automatically whistle if you have a cleft lip?

Strange.

Equity & Equality

My next issue is one which could be applied to a number of different situations but for this example I will use The Disabled.
Thats right, disabled people.
They're different from us arent they? They've got bits missing, or that dont work properly, whatever.
It's not strictly PC but that's okay, 'cos it's still true.
They however would, have it that they are the same as fully fit or 'abled' people.
That they are worth the same respect and treatment. That we shouldnt talk down to them or otherwise mistreat them in any way.

Fair enough. I myself would, if I were ever disabled, still maintain that I was worth more than the average human.

Why then do we have disabled parking spaces?
Why wheelchair access buildings?
Why paraplegic toilets and all the rest of the special advantages given to 'differently abled individuals'?

If they are the same as the rest of us, why do they require these things?
If they want to be treated the same, why do they draw attention to their differences?

I dont say all this to offend anyone, just to make a point.

It's unfair.

Look at a car park for instance.
Let us, for the moment, make peace with the fact that their are wheelchair-marked parking spaces.
Look at where they are. Look around the whole yard if you need to.
All the special spaces are right next to the doors.
It would make more sense to me that if disabled people were the same as the hoi-polloi we should have the special spaces sprinkled evenly around the lot so as to be completely fair to everybody.
But no.
The so-called disadvantaged are given yet another 'perk'.

Try applying this principle to other situations you see and decide for yourself.

Fear of God

Time for another one about sheep-religion. I know you've been looking forward to it! Har har.

Today it's about the phrase: "We're all decent God-fearing people here, Mister."

It doesnt matter the exact wording here, the important part is "God-Fearing".
Some of you will have clicked by now.
Only christians use this term and if they are decent christians as they say, then why need they fear the wrath of god?

It's as simple as that.