All Too Frequently Asked Questions

Oddly enough, I don't believe I've touched on something like this before. So I figure why not answer the questions I get all the time, or a lot recently. Here goes...

"What? Why did they drop you from the Chronicle?"

Honestly, I think the only excuse they're left with is 'Because we can'.
Reader criticism? Please, this is Whanganui where everything and everyone is criticised if they don't agree with angry people. And then when you play it safe, they still dog you for not taking enough shots.
Redesign of the Whatever page? Yeah congrats Chron - you've found a great way to save money by eliminating anything you'd actually have to pay someone talented to create. They say that they're open to anyone who'd like to contribute on a regular basis. Maybe I should go for a columnist job there...

"Why haven't we heard anything about WYC'D in the media?"

It's a funny story, that. We've had the Midweek promise us a cover story - they came around, took photos, but never followed through. Yvette "Midweek" Batton gives herself an award for a job well done. WYC'D took a good look at the Whatever page (aimed at Whanganui Youth, which is exactly what the group stands for) and came up with a bunch of great ideas to make it more relevant and overall better.

We invited Chronicle Editor John Maslin to meet with us and discuss the page. He agreed to a time, and didn't show. We asked twice more, still no good. To this day he claims he's still keen to meet us, but our regular time is no good. When asked for alternatives, he offered none. Instead, changes were made to the page for the worse. I've been invited to give a monthly update on WYC'D, I'm not sure where I stand on that one.

"So what is WYC'D up to, then?"

Our big thing right now is circulating a survey to as much of Whanganui's youth as possible through schools, community organisations and the like. The key reason for this is that we understand that while we have a good idea of young people's needs, we aren't entirely representative. Thus, to make sure we're on the right track, cause buzz in the community and have something solid to show officials - we're taking it to the people directly affected. Asking them exactly what they like, what they don't like, what they want.

"What's the one thing that pisses you off the most right now?"

Here's where my answer isn't what people expect. The one thing above all else right now, is people who either: Constantly moan about and take shots at people who are trying to get positive things done. OR Claim to be committed to making a positive change, but can't be arsed doing any work towards it.
The bottom line is: if you're not going to do anything, shut up.

"Are you a clone of Michael Laws? I mean there's so many similarities!"

How astute you are. As anyone can plainly see I'm middle-aged, I have political aspirations, vote National, jog in disturbing attire and hate the arts...
And anyone who honestly believes any of that is probably beyond help. The only things the Mayor and I share are that we both used to have columns in the Wanganui Chronicle, and now continue to publish ourselves online. I did sit in his chair at the latest Community Committee meeting, but the people who love to claim I'm a clone missed that one.

"You're too PC. Are you afraid to actually say something?"

Nope, not at all. This has only ever come from Anonymous sources. Funny really - someone too afraid to put their name to their word is insinuating that I'm afraid to speak. Alright, so I don't write terribly risque material. I wonder if people realise that in newspapers there's actually kind of a limit to the stuff you can say. But right here and now, this is internet exclusive! So how about a little something I thought of a while ago but never dared to push?

The theory behind the "Half Pounder" burger is a simple one. It's twice the beef of a Quarter Pounder. This still is far beyond the comprehension of 90% of McDonalds' staff. If you can't understand primary school math, you have no business being in a job dealing with money.

Or this one...

DestinyNZ party leader Richard Lewis talked a lot about how everything was an attack on the institution of marriage. After the presentation I briefly met Mrs. Lewis - if I were the lecherous type, I wouldn't mind leading an attack on the institution of her marriage.

So, how would you like a column full of that?

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